nice

Hi, I'm a nice guy.

While this may be a somewhat inherent character trait, it has also built upon years of skillfully shaping my niceguyness into something that is nearly always recognized by family and friends.

I always say please and thank you.

I hold doors for people.

I say ma'am and sir.

I respect my elders.

I generally defer to others' choice of restaurant.

I go out of my way to avoid confrontation.

I apologize even when apologies are unnecessary.

I'm also genuinely just a little awkward, but socially aware enough that I recognize it and make fun of myself for it. Which is incredibly charming to anyone paying attention, might I add.

What strikes me as most interesting, though, is how easily my niceguyness is (mis)interpreted as good-natured and innocent.  People LOVE nice guys. They laugh at your jokes, they like your pictures on instagram, and they flood your facebook wall with birthday posts. 

Thank you all so much for the birthday posts, texts, and calls. It means the world to me to be surrounded by such great people every day of my life. Here's to another trip around the sun! #blessed

Now, while these are all well and good, and I'm no man to say no to a couple dozen facebook likes, I've got to say: I'm sick of being treated like a nice guy.

I'm sick of the hidden meanings of words like nice and innocent, which are usually veiled ways to say naive and ingenuous - childlike.  I feel like everyone is trying to protect me; keep me in this plastic bubble to which I've grown so accustomed.  What's funny though - as much as I want to pop the bubble, I can't. Because I'm in the fucking bubble.

I'm so used to being a nice guy that I legitimately have trouble understanding not being a nice guy. How am I that much different from your average Joe? Does everyone actually suck that much? The optimist in me (cringing as I wrote this sentence so effortlessly) doesn't think so.  Perhaps I have my parents to thank for this debacle - it is with a hint of sarcasm that I say - why did you instill in me these godforsaken manners? did you know what you were doing when you were teaching me these things? Why would you condemn me to this life?

Upon further research, I actually googled the phrase "nice guys finish last" (desperate times call for desperate measures). Aside from the snarky e-cards that read, "Nice guys finish last cause yo gurl always comes first," (clearly catering to the wittier side of us nice-guys) what struck me is that nice-guy is usually accompanied by a Mr. Agreeable attitude.  The recommended strategy? Don't be a nice guy, be a great guy.  Be a man that isn't afraid to stand up to people; stick to a few key principles, and fight for them. THEN, you'll be a great guy.

But that doesn't really quite capture it either.  Being a great guy, in my mind, doesn't make the distinction from nice guy that I'm looking for.  For some reason, my mind immediately divides the categories as a deathmatch showdown: nice guys vs. assholes.  Still working on an in between.

Life feels slow right now for some reason.

 

"So that when we say that black lives matter, it's not because other don't. It's simply because we must affirm that we are worthy of existing without fear, when so many things tell us we are not."

http://www.ted.com/talks/clint_smith_how_to_raise_a_black_son_in_america

apartment goals

Rudolph Apartment, New York City, Paul Rudolph, 1967

Why I want to be an architect, part 1,000,000

http://www.ted.com/talks/takaharu_tezuka_the_best_kindergarten_you_ve_ever_seen?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2015-04-18&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=email&utm_content=talk_of_the_week_button

one of those "it'll be funnier in a couple days" posts, 4 days later

4/9/15

I just had to pay a tow-truck $60 to let my car down because the meter was FIVE MINUTES EXPIRED.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I innocently explained that the meter was barely expired (literally not more than 7 minutes) and he proceeded to tell me that I could pay $50 cash now or $108.50 at the tow yard. 

I got my money clip from my pocket. OF COURSE, I have exactly three $20s (thank god I had cash), and he's like, "sorry I don't have change". 

WHY WOULD I EXPECT YOU TO HAVE CHANGE? Kindly accept this $10 tip (on top of the $50 "tip" I'm giving you for letting my car down). HAVE AN EXCELLENT DAY.  

JEEEEEEEZUS I'm pissed. 

Things like this always have me questioning how messed up humanity is. First of all, the jerk that decided we should charge money for parking is at fault. Like, can't we just not all be punks to one another and share parking spots?!

Secondly, who decides to work at a towing company? You've gotta be pretty messed up to say, "yep, towing cars is the business for me". Probably explains why the guy was a real jerk. If I was working for a towing company, I would be angry too. Makes me grateful for education and degrees, but also sad for all of the people that have to do his job. Think about how many people hate him, and then think about how much he hates his job. I would easily work at McDonald's for minimum wage before driving a tow truck. 

My heart rate is finally slowing down.  I think part of the reason that I was so pissed is that the guy could have very easily been a decent human and let my car down when I ran up to him yelling not to take it. Like I was maybe 1 minute too late. So that means he arrived LITERALLY like 4 minutes after the meter expired, like man I'm gonna get this little scion on my truck real easy. Also, the lot was only HALF FULL. WHO CARES!?!?!? He earnestly accepted my money (read:tip for not taking my car to the tow yard), and I bet $0 of that $60 is going anywhere other than that fucker's pocket. 

My mind immediately went to all of the irrational thoughts I could think:

I want to break something

I want to scream 

I should sell my car

I am done ranting. 

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