path-changing

this week has been a weird turning point of sorts.

i'm finally getting something like inspiration to accomplish the things that i want to do.  i have a couple skeletons to confront, but i think this is the year.

i'm done feeling sorry for myself or hating myself.  i made it to architecture school.  i survived the first semester, and it was one of the most difficult things i've ever done.

but i think it was the right decision, as much as i consistently continue to second-guess myself.  thankfully the second-guessing has become less frequent.

I have an eye for design.
I want to create spaces for people to inhabit.
I want my projects to shape people's lives for the better.

I didn't really recognize the appeal that architecture has always had for me.  But I think I might be on the road to figuring it out - it's a career of problem solving.  I'm always going to face challenges in this career... figuring out the best solution for a project, be it a concert hall, a library, a dorm, or a house.  Which way it needs to face, which way the light hits each surface, how it interacts with its site and surroundings - I can't wait to solve those problems.  It's almost like I'm back in 6th or 7th grade on the Beaumont Middle School academic team at the Future Problem Solvers competition.  Only it's actually the future and I am an actual problem solver.  Funny how life works itself out sometimes.  Who knew I'd end up on this path? 

Dear everyone posting pictures of your animals in holiday-themed animal costumes beneath the Christmas tree saying, "_________ is getting in the Christmas spirit!",

Your animal has no idea that it's Christmas. 

Sincerely,

Jealous No-Pet Owner Yet Still Won't Subject My Future Dog to This Phenomenon

not with haste

your eyes they tie
me down so hard
i'll never learn to put up a guard

so keep my love
my candle bright
learn me hard oh learn me right

this ain't no sham
i am what i am

though i may speak
some tongue of old
or even spit out some holy word

i have no strength
from which to speak
when you sit me down and see i'm weak



we will run and scream
you will dance with me
they'll fulfill our dreams and we'll be free

we will be who we are
and they'll heal our scars
sadness will be far away




so as we walked
through fields of green
was the fairest sun i'd never seen

and i was broke
i was on my knees
you said yes as i said please

this ain't no sham
i am what i am
i leave no time
for a cynic's mind




we will run and scream
you will dance with me
they'll fulfill our dreams and we'll be free

we will be who we are
and they'll heal our scars
sadness will be far away




do not let my fickle flesh go to waste
as it keeps my heart and soul in its place
i will love with urgency but not with haste



#oof #rightinthefeels

holy vocals and procrastination week

i have accomplished the following items this week:

- completing my final assignment for Design Visualization (class #1 complete)
- completing my final essays for my history class (class #2 complete)

still awaiting completion:
- final submission for construction tech (Wednesday 5 PM) (class #3)
- final presentation/model/board for studio (Friday) (class #4)

in addition, i have managed to find time to complete all of the following procrastinatory items:
- creating a LinkedIn profile (which will technically be useful at some point)
- making a list of Chicago architecture firms
- making a list of buildings that i want to see, worldwide (to be gradually revisited)
- cleaning my apartment (which really actually did need to happen)
- eating all the snacks (#teamgoldfish)
- buying alcohol for this weekend
- reading a book for a book club (which is actually about structures/architecture)
- watching 11 episodes of "The Good Wife" in one day (shouts out to Saturdays)
- emailing a christmas list to my parents (complete with a few hours of internet research)
- online shopping/browsing for others' christmas gifts
- creating a thorough weekend itinerary for my upcoming trip to chicago
- reading nearly every buzzfeed article that is remotely relevant to my life
- taking nearly every buzzfeed quiz that is remotely relevant to my life
- youtube binge-ing, which brought me through the following collection of videos:
beyonce via facebook started it all - i can't resist her voice/sexy. then i started wondering if a good cover of it existed, enter Mackenzie Johnson (the most-viewed cover of Jealous):

then i spent about 30 minutes listening to her videos.. only because girl got PIPES and hella videos:
which led me to this gem:

which was impressive and made me very jealous. then i looked up the original of the above song but it sadly reminded me that Eric Hutchinson stopped recording good music a long time ago and that the only way to listen to him is via live album or actually live. RIP non-pop-sounding Eric Hutchinson... also in all of the live videos of him, bro looks COKED OUT. Dude, I'm not sure what you're using, but they make Visine and other things for that. Maybe he's been wearing the same pair of 2-week contacts for like 3 months? Can't say I'm not guilty of that last one.  All this reflection on my old musical tastes got me thinkin about good ol Ben Rector (who still, fortunately, is making good music and is also excellent live). Which brought me over to his youtube channel to make sure he isn't releasing any music any time soon.

Unfortunately, nothing posted BUT it brought me back to one of my favorite covers of all time:

wowza. great song, great cover. now i want to go sing.

(continuing list of procrastination activities)
- writing this blog post...

9/18/14 - part II

Coming up on my first "final critique" tomorrow and I'm REALLY nervous.  I'm pretty sure I can get the work completed, but I'm just not sure what to expect during the actual situation.  I've put in the time and the project looks okay right now (hopefully to change for the better in the next 24 hours) but it's just nerve-wracking to have people critique your work in general.  There is a competitive nature to our program in general, but a lot of the competition is often comparing apples to oranges because our projects are so different and unique.  There's also a pretty constant pressure to stay in the studio and work forever, but I really have to tune out everyone else when I'm there in order to be productive. Thankfully, the stress will be over in about 30 hours. 

9/18/14

After finishing my time with Teach for America in Chicago this past June, I've had some time to process what exactly happened over the past two years.  While I did move on from teaching, it is safe to say that TFA created an awareness in me of just how valuable learning from other people really can be (especially those with backgrounds different from my own).  I have always been interested in how the design of buildings shapes our lives (hence starting architecture school), but it wasn't really until I had experienced a community different than that which I had always known did I really understand how pivotal these perspectives could be.  It took me a long time as a teacher to stop being angry with my students themselves, and start realizing that it is really the brokenness of Chicago that is fueling the anger and frustration of that student who doesn't give a shit about the math homework I just assigned. Maybe an extended way to say it, but we all need a little perspective. 

Press Pause Play

If you've got an extra hour and a half on your hands, watch the following documentary:
Press Pause Play

I'm really enjoying our Design Visualization class. It seems a little abstract at the moment, but I like the direction of the conversation. We watched the first part of the documentary above in class - it discusses the accessibility of technology and how we have created a world where just about anyone can produce music and movies that were only made possible in complex (and expensive) studios just decades ago. This comes at a cost; now that anyone can upload a high "quality" video to YouTube or create a decent mix on GarageBand, everyone is doing it.  And in doing this, we're creating a lot of "noise" that's making the music and film industry quite interesting.

The documentary claimed that filmmakers such as Scorsese or Spielberg wouldn't be able to navigate the amount of noise in today's culture.  That they wouldn't have "made it".  The concept of "making it" is very intriguing to me, because it's one of the things that drives a lot of what I do.  That being said, I have no earthly idea what "making it" entails - is it a certain pay grade? walking into the corner office in a skyscraper on the first day of a new promotion? garnering national attention for a building, in whatever capacity? I spend a lot of time fantasizing about "making it" but I haven't really figured out my aims in switching career paths.  Don't get me wrong - I know I made the right choice in starting architecture school, but I'm just trying to reflect and make sense of it all.

I think about architects like Daniel Burnham (forgive me, I just finished Devil in the White City by Erik Larson).  I know it explained his history in the book, but I don't understand how one really gets to the point of being entrusted with the design of a World's Fair.  I'd like to think that good people skills puts one person ahead of the next, but is that really what it takes? That and a splash of creativity, I guess.  Ultimately, most architecture programs run the same gamut of courses and internships and studios, so our training should rank us about the same, theoretically.  So then, do I just need to be a smooth talker to work my way to the top? One has to wonder how these people found their way into the history books, and how many people just as talented didn't "make it" because of mere circumstances?  Movies and the media fantasizes our American dream enough to make us all believe that we can "make it" (depending on your definition, of course).

Another part of me likes to think that just smarts and skills allow you to "make it".  In this sense, even if I didn't "make it", I could rationalize continuing the chase for success (I'm somewhat naively optimistic at times - though I don't regret it).

Til next time, I'll keep chasing it.