No new friends

In the past 24 hours, I have experienced the following:

1) a white boy using the n-word

     a) "because I listen to hip hop"

     

2) someone beginning a sentence with: "well the one thing that I agree with trump on.." 

     a) followed by "is that everyone is too worried about being politically correct"

I am too old to be dealing with this s***. 

Lexington

saturday snapshot

4 April 2015

It wasn't just any old Saturday at Keeneland as I drove up to the Louisville lot that morning.

It was a beautiful Kentucky Keeneland Saturday. Crisp, bright, nearly cloudless.  The rains of the previous week had caused just enough misery to reward us with those ever-familiar rolling hills of budding bluegrass.

I came bearing three of my mom's most-prized camping chairs that sit in the back of her Acura SUV on the other 51 weekends of the year, searching for familiar faces as I wove through the endless rows of open truckbeds, coolers, and red-and-white-checked tablecloths.  From a couple rows over I spot a familiar back-of-a-head; Annie's setting up a pair of cornhole boards.

The driver's side door to the SUV closes as I'm greeting her, and I'm introduced to Robert. He's currently the official photographer for Centre, and we exchange brief life synopses as the three of us unpack the sacred camping chairs.  Normally, I would turn down any form of IPA, much less a double IPA, but I acquiesce to Anne's offering...  its abhorrently unpalatable taste will slow my drinking pace, and free beer will indeed always be free beer.

Anne's brother Joe arrives on the scene a few minutes later, just as the conversations have lulled into us reaching for the tray of Chick-fil-A nuggets, which are perhaps better cold.  Jennifer and Sara arrive to even the ratio of males to females, and we all begin the process of sunburning our foreheads as bluetooth speakers pair with our devices to start the party.

I take a look around - this is an excellent group of people.  Everyone is happy to be out at the races, and the weather lends an electric vibe to the day.  Bud Light Lime provides a reprieve for me after a Solo-full of double IPA swill (Trust me West Sixth, it's not you, it's me), and we settle in for a friendly game of cornhole (or BAGS, as midwesterners insist... brief aside, I always envision BAGS being in capital letters due to the accents of everyone that has ever used the term BAGS to me).  We toss repeatedly, knocking over neglected BLL's and recalibrating our only-so-often used cornhole skills. We take turns at the helm of the bluetooth jukebox, introducing the latest and greatest of our itunes and spotify accounts.

Several beers and trips to the edge of the track later, the six of us have settled into an afternoon groove.  We observe a brief moment of silence for the battery life of the bluetooth speaker, and Joe switches on the SUV's radio system. 

nice

Hi, I'm a nice guy.

While this may be a somewhat inherent character trait, it has also built upon years of skillfully shaping my niceguyness into something that is nearly always recognized by family and friends.

I always say please and thank you.

I hold doors for people.

I say ma'am and sir.

I respect my elders.

I generally defer to others' choice of restaurant.

I go out of my way to avoid confrontation.

I apologize even when apologies are unnecessary.

I'm also genuinely just a little awkward, but socially aware enough that I recognize it and make fun of myself for it. Which is incredibly charming to anyone paying attention, might I add.

What strikes me as most interesting, though, is how easily my niceguyness is (mis)interpreted as good-natured and innocent.  People LOVE nice guys. They laugh at your jokes, they like your pictures on instagram, and they flood your facebook wall with birthday posts. 

Thank you all so much for the birthday posts, texts, and calls. It means the world to me to be surrounded by such great people every day of my life. Here's to another trip around the sun! #blessed

Now, while these are all well and good, and I'm no man to say no to a couple dozen facebook likes, I've got to say: I'm sick of being treated like a nice guy.

I'm sick of the hidden meanings of words like nice and innocent, which are usually veiled ways to say naive and ingenuous - childlike.  I feel like everyone is trying to protect me; keep me in this plastic bubble to which I've grown so accustomed.  What's funny though - as much as I want to pop the bubble, I can't. Because I'm in the fucking bubble.

I'm so used to being a nice guy that I legitimately have trouble understanding not being a nice guy. How am I that much different from your average Joe? Does everyone actually suck that much? The optimist in me (cringing as I wrote this sentence so effortlessly) doesn't think so.  Perhaps I have my parents to thank for this debacle - it is with a hint of sarcasm that I say - why did you instill in me these godforsaken manners? did you know what you were doing when you were teaching me these things? Why would you condemn me to this life?

Upon further research, I actually googled the phrase "nice guys finish last" (desperate times call for desperate measures). Aside from the snarky e-cards that read, "Nice guys finish last cause yo gurl always comes first," (clearly catering to the wittier side of us nice-guys) what struck me is that nice-guy is usually accompanied by a Mr. Agreeable attitude.  The recommended strategy? Don't be a nice guy, be a great guy.  Be a man that isn't afraid to stand up to people; stick to a few key principles, and fight for them. THEN, you'll be a great guy.

But that doesn't really quite capture it either.  Being a great guy, in my mind, doesn't make the distinction from nice guy that I'm looking for.  For some reason, my mind immediately divides the categories as a deathmatch showdown: nice guys vs. assholes.  Still working on an in between.

Life feels slow right now for some reason.

 

"So that when we say that black lives matter, it's not because other don't. It's simply because we must affirm that we are worthy of existing without fear, when so many things tell us we are not."

http://www.ted.com/talks/clint_smith_how_to_raise_a_black_son_in_america

apartment goals

Rudolph Apartment, New York City, Paul Rudolph, 1967

Why I want to be an architect, part 1,000,000

http://www.ted.com/talks/takaharu_tezuka_the_best_kindergarten_you_ve_ever_seen?utm_source=newsletter_weekly_2015-04-18&utm_campaign=newsletter_weekly&utm_medium=email&utm_content=talk_of_the_week_button

one of those "it'll be funnier in a couple days" posts, 4 days later

4/9/15

I just had to pay a tow-truck $60 to let my car down because the meter was FIVE MINUTES EXPIRED.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

I innocently explained that the meter was barely expired (literally not more than 7 minutes) and he proceeded to tell me that I could pay $50 cash now or $108.50 at the tow yard. 

I got my money clip from my pocket. OF COURSE, I have exactly three $20s (thank god I had cash), and he's like, "sorry I don't have change". 

WHY WOULD I EXPECT YOU TO HAVE CHANGE? Kindly accept this $10 tip (on top of the $50 "tip" I'm giving you for letting my car down). HAVE AN EXCELLENT DAY.  

JEEEEEEEZUS I'm pissed. 

Things like this always have me questioning how messed up humanity is. First of all, the jerk that decided we should charge money for parking is at fault. Like, can't we just not all be punks to one another and share parking spots?!

Secondly, who decides to work at a towing company? You've gotta be pretty messed up to say, "yep, towing cars is the business for me". Probably explains why the guy was a real jerk. If I was working for a towing company, I would be angry too. Makes me grateful for education and degrees, but also sad for all of the people that have to do his job. Think about how many people hate him, and then think about how much he hates his job. I would easily work at McDonald's for minimum wage before driving a tow truck. 

My heart rate is finally slowing down.  I think part of the reason that I was so pissed is that the guy could have very easily been a decent human and let my car down when I ran up to him yelling not to take it. Like I was maybe 1 minute too late. So that means he arrived LITERALLY like 4 minutes after the meter expired, like man I'm gonna get this little scion on my truck real easy. Also, the lot was only HALF FULL. WHO CARES!?!?!? He earnestly accepted my money (read:tip for not taking my car to the tow yard), and I bet $0 of that $60 is going anywhere other than that fucker's pocket. 

My mind immediately went to all of the irrational thoughts I could think:

I want to break something

I want to scream 

I should sell my car

I am done ranting. 

color

2nd city... yeah. right.

Got a chance to catch up with a good friend from Centre tonight.  He's a couple years younger than me, and it was really interesting to talk with him because it felt like I was talking to myself a couple years ago, right after graduating and moving to Chicago. Funny how much has changed since then (not to mention what I'd give to move back to Chicago).

I think this spring break NY trip finally cured me of my New York obsession. I don't know what it is, but something about Chicago is just better for me.  People that live in NYC have a bit of a superiority complex (read: back the fuck up all ye chicago haters). I had always had this little worry in the back of my mind that I would go to New York some time and like it better than Chicago... fortunately that was not the case.. at all.  though i enjoyed seeing some old friends in New York, that was pretty much the extent of my fun.

Things I love/miss about chicago (somewhat/somewhat not in relation to New York):

-my students

-my former coworkers/TFA folks

-having favorite restaurants/coffee shops/bars/places 

-walking around the city

-lakeshore drive (a small part of me enjoyed 5:00 LSD traffic. the other part of me says NOPE)

-lincoln park/being able to run/bike to the lake

-the way that the neighborhoods feel less like the big city than the loop does. you're in the city, but you're not engulfed by giant buildings everywhere. there's something stifling about manhattan.

-knowing my way around (or being able to figure it out as i go)

-waiting for the CTA (yes I actually enjoy the moments spent waiting endlessly for buses and trains)

-the fact that the trains (for the most part) are above ground.

-the diversity of the neighborhoods (maybe NYC has a bit of the same thing going on, but it doesn't seem so extreme)

-something about being on the lakefront is so much less constricting than when you're on manhattan. i feel like manhattan is a giant mothership of touristy shit, rich people, and restaurants with a cool park in the middle (shouts out to Freddie Law Olmsted tho!).

but damn - New York sure does photograph well.

NY explorin

baby yawns

Holy crap my niece is cute. She just started smiling. It was so cool to just be around her and my brother's new family this weekend. The extended family all came over Saturday afternoon (which got to be quite overwhelming for me... I can't imagine it as a new parent but whatever).  It's crazy to see my brother as a father - he's doing really well with it, of course. And Leah is excellent (she's basically a pediatrician though, so that was to be expected.. and she's Leah).  Nora might be getting cuter by the minute.  At first it was weird whenever she would get upset, but I kind of enjoy being present for that part of her life.. it's going to be really cool to watch her grow up (though in my mind she is going to stay put as a little nugget).  Also her yawns might be the most adorable thing on the planet.

photoshop meh and tuesday tunes

Study of Corbu's Modulor, with yours truly photoshopped in. I spent half of today of this very vague assignment for design visualization, so posting it feels warranted.

Rediscovered ye olde iTunes folders tonight, here's a gem that I'd forgot about. Gavin degraw got some PIPES on him (his new stuff is mostly too poppy and lame).

However, his collabo with needtobreathe is dank.

March had me like

It's March. Hard to believe only 8 weeks til the end of the second semester (and THANK GOODNESS TWO WEEKS TO SPRING BREAK). Very excited for the next couple of weekends/weeks. Lexington, Chicago, San Francisco, and New York. Also I get to see my niece next Friday which is gonna be awesome. 

I've made the habit of trying to caption her thoughts when Leah sends pictures. Here's the best so far:

Yes I might have just simultaneously earned the best and worst uncle awards. 

Mostly just thankful for a change of scenery. It's one of the first times I've spent more than a month in Cincinnati, so I'm definitely ready to move around., rather than sit in my apartment and be antisocial, because I've proven myself to be an allstar at that for at least the past two weekends. Sometimes it's a little lonely living by yourself, or just kind of boring. Might just be the cabin fever talking with all of the crappy weather lately. The fact that I had time to finish house of cards this weekend is a little depressing (time being subjective, because I really have 1,000,000 things to be doing constantly for school). 

Louisville lollipop

http://www.archdaily.com/601730/oma-designs-food-port-for-west-louisville/

Not crazy about the giant lollipop/pin/tower deal but the concept is DANK.  Maybe it's knowing the context decently well, but if implemented properly this is could really change up part of the West End.

sunday tunes/stress/sections/procrastination

lighting inspiration

Alvar Aalto - Mount Angel Library, Oregon

Le Corbusier - Carpenter Center at Harvard U, Cambridge, MA

Alvar Aalto - Main University Building, Otaniemi, Finland

Erik Bryggman - Resurrection Chapel, Turku, Finland

Snow day stair drifts

Firstly, a cover of a highly underrated song.  The original singer (Jess Glynne) has an incredible voice, even if her songs sound somewhat 90s.

Secondly, I'm going to start posting videos, or figure out how to use soundcloud or something.  Just been especially keen on singin/playin recently. We'll see how that pans out.

Snow day exploration

Thank goodness for this mound of salt.

Two views like this within walking distance of my house. Ain't mad. 

site photos, and some snow-day photoshop

so the first version that i put up of this was not the correct version.  youtube is weird. here's the real jam.

recent inspiration

a little upset to learn that this building was/is nicknamed the pizza hut tower. because it was built on the site of a former pizza hut. people are dumb.

but this building is dope. 1611 w division st (division and ashland).

cincinnati from the ped bridge

ribbon chapel, near hiroshima, japan

then and now - crosley field (decimated)

cincinnati, 1949

path-changing

this week has been a weird turning point of sorts.

i'm finally getting something like inspiration to accomplish the things that i want to do.  i have a couple skeletons to confront, but i think this is the year.

i'm done feeling sorry for myself or hating myself.  i made it to architecture school.  i survived the first semester, and it was one of the most difficult things i've ever done.

but i think it was the right decision, as much as i consistently continue to second-guess myself.  thankfully the second-guessing has become less frequent.

I have an eye for design.
I want to create spaces for people to inhabit.
I want my projects to shape people's lives for the better.

I didn't really recognize the appeal that architecture has always had for me.  But I think I might be on the road to figuring it out - it's a career of problem solving.  I'm always going to face challenges in this career... figuring out the best solution for a project, be it a concert hall, a library, a dorm, or a house.  Which way it needs to face, which way the light hits each surface, how it interacts with its site and surroundings - I can't wait to solve those problems.  It's almost like I'm back in 6th or 7th grade on the Beaumont Middle School academic team at the Future Problem Solvers competition.  Only it's actually the future and I am an actual problem solver.  Funny how life works itself out sometimes.  Who knew I'd end up on this path?