In our brief time at Centre, each of us undergoes
experiences that begin to define what we believe – or at least that's what we
are told. Until the fall semester of senior year, I lived the life of a
pretty normal Centre student: being involved in way too many things, working
hard to get decent grades, and developing relationships that I had faith would
last beyond my Centre career. But when
that dreaded last “first day of school” came around, I found myself unsatisfied
in the all-too-familiar motions of another overcommitted my
most-committed semester yet/possible/ever.
Initially, I dropped a few commitments to ease the burden –
I just needed to trim the fat, right?
Even if I wasn’t fully invested in my activities, I was obligated to 3
main time consumers, and I would make it
work. Life was pretty decent, and I
was enjoying myself when I stopped to breathe every once in a while. My planner was chock full of meetings to
attend, to-do lists, mindless doodles, and the extra homework that comes with
two upper level math courses. And a few
weeks into school, I was surviving on multiple cups of coffee per day, but I
was making it. My sleep schedule was all
kinds of crazy, and five and a half hours of sleep a night was just enough to
keep my eyes open and heart beating. Nothing
really seemed wrong, but then again, nothing really seemed right either.
I won’t forget the conversation that woke me up. It had been a long day – I was in one of
those dungeon practice rooms in Grant basement banging my forehead on the
battered keys of a piano when a friend of mine asked one of those “defining-moment”
questions:
What are you passionate about?
And I wasn’t sure what to say.
I was a math major that was burning out on math. I was a fraternity president getting frustrated
at my brothers and isolating myself. I
wasn’t interested in what I was studying or reading for class, much less doing
any studying or reading. I was a
brother who didn’t always return calls or texts. I was a son who called home once or twice a
month. I was a piano player who only
made music because that was the only way I had found to let others see who I
really was.
I had “passions”, but I wasn’t living my life with
them. I pleased other people,
continually building up an impossible image for myself to attain. Though I was “making it work”, I wasn’t
living true to myself.
So for the rest of my time at Centre, I have decided to
relentlessly pursue my passions by investing myself in the life and world that
surround me.
“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet
lose or forfeit his very self?”
It’s no good – that’s what I believe.
