snapshot

I'm sitting here with a student - he's taking his final exam for summer school. I can't believe I'm here, the last school day of institute.  My eye is twitching due to lack of sleep/computer time/wearing contacts.

"... much will be expected."

So week one of teaching has come to an end... and I love it. I'm co-teaching a 9th grade Algebra class with 4 other TFA corps members (1 from Jacksonville corps, 1 from Detroit corps, 1 from St. Louis corps, myself and 1 other Chicago corps member) and enjoying it a lot - I can't even imagine the luxury of my own classroom for the entire school day with which to develop a culture and mold MINDS! It's one of the most exciting things about August for me. Though I know that shit will have officially hit the fan come August and that I will be tested and prodded and poked and annoyed and tired and irritated, I can't wait.

A little personal assessment for the first week of summer school teaching:
Strengths - lesson planning, teacher voice, command of classroom, relationship building
Areas for improvement - sticking to and enforcement of consequences, pacing of material

This experience has already been one of growth for me - it's very easy to blur the line between teacher and friend for me, because you want to be cool and understand the students, but your job is to make sure they know the information. Definitely an interesting balance that I am sure to struggle with over the next two years in TFA. It hit pretty hard today when we had to kick out one of our students for misbehavior - it turns out that the student had already taken Algebra two times and failed - once in school, once in summer school (removed for misbehavior), and now removed again for misbehavior. The tough part though, is that she has the potential for a soccer scholarship to a nearby university - AND she already has a 25 on her ACT (very uncommon in low-income schools - one school that we visited offered a free iPod touch as a gift for students scoring above 24, and most schools hover around an average of 16). Needless to say, it's hard to go without feeling some sort of personal responsibility for our student being removed from summer school and failing the course again. Honestly, we could have managed behavior better from the get-go, but it would have been a serious challenge for us as first-time teachers. I guess it just lends to a heightened sense of urgency for me during this program, because it is so important that I start developing that culture of achievement in my classroom from day 1. I'm so glad to have been able to get into this profession, because I think it's really my chance to give back - I was extremely blessed with an excellent education, and I intend to have other students not as fortunate or lucky take some of the paths that I myself chose. I'll leave you with a particularly striking quote that I happened upon today:

"To whom much is given, much will be expected."

There's nothing to it.

I want to be an architect. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to get there, but I want to be an architect. I want to design buildings meant to be lived in. And I don't just mean like any old regular building. These buildings will be meant to be LIVED in. Really Living. Not the pretend stuff that we do most of the time. Real intentional living. Frank Lloyd Wright kind of shit. Not sure that I'll quite be on his level, but what is dreaming if you limit yourself. If you want to view paradise, Simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it, Want to change the world? There's nothing to it. Willy Wonka had a good point. Here goes nothin'.

this I believe

In our brief time at Centre, each of us undergoes experiences that begin to define what we believe – or at least that's what we are told.  Until the fall semester of senior year, I lived the life of a pretty normal Centre student: being involved in way too many things, working hard to get decent grades, and developing relationships that I had faith would last beyond my Centre career.  But when that dreaded last “first day of school” came around, I found myself unsatisfied in the all-too-familiar motions of another overcommitted my most-committed semester yet/possible/ever.

Initially, I dropped a few commitments to ease the burden – I just needed to trim the fat, right?  Even if I wasn’t fully invested in my activities, I was obligated to 3 main time consumers, and I would make it work.  Life was pretty decent, and I was enjoying myself when I stopped to breathe every once in a while.  My planner was chock full of meetings to attend, to-do lists, mindless doodles, and the extra homework that comes with two upper level math courses.  And a few weeks into school, I was surviving on multiple cups of coffee per day, but I was making it.  My sleep schedule was all kinds of crazy, and five and a half hours of sleep a night was just enough to keep my eyes open and heart beating.  Nothing really seemed wrong, but then again, nothing really seemed right either.

I won’t forget the conversation that woke me up.  It had been a long day – I was in one of those dungeon practice rooms in Grant basement banging my forehead on the battered keys of a piano when a friend of mine asked one of those “defining-moment” questions:

What are you passionate about?

And I wasn’t sure what to say.

I was a math major that was burning out on math.  I was a fraternity president getting frustrated at my brothers and isolating myself.  I wasn’t interested in what I was studying or reading for class, much less doing any studying or reading.   I was a brother who didn’t always return calls or texts.  I was a son who called home once or twice a month.  I was a piano player who only made music because that was the only way I had found to let others see who I really was.

I had “passions”, but I wasn’t living my life with them.  I pleased other people, continually building up an impossible image for myself to attain.  Though I was “making it work”, I wasn’t living true to myself.

So for the rest of my time at Centre, I have decided to relentlessly pursue my passions by investing myself in the life and world that surround me.

“What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?”

It’s no good – that’s what I believe.

just be here now, forget about the past.

This school year has been full of wake-up calls. A few of my own.

It's okay to have enemies.

Invest in your friendships - we only have limited time in college.

Don't over-commit yourself - you'll regret it once you do.

Participate in things about which you are passionate.

Words carry more weight than you think.

Live up to that which you claim.

It's okay to be afraid of the future, but be sure to take things one step at a time.

Be honest earlier; it will help your case later.

Don't be afraid of your feelings - following your heart is the easiest way to being happy.

No one is invincible.

Be careful not to judge - you'll never know when you might find yourself in the same situation.

The way we live our days is the way we live our lives.

Make a to-do list. It's one way of actually getting things done.

More to come later.

2012: whaaaa?

I graduate from college this year. WOW.

I just returned from CentreTerm in Greece, and it was an incredible trip.  I could not have asked for a better-timed break from Centre.  Don't get me wrong - I love Centre and all (most) of the people there, but it was seriously time for some time away.  Last semester was my most difficult semester of college by far - juggling fraternity president responsibilities, 2 capstone courses for my math major, Res Life responsibilities, and undergoing a series of witch trials (per se) definitely made for an interesting semester. My girlfriend, Kelly, is probably the only reason that I stayed sane during it all. So thanks goes out to her.

Greece was unbelievable. The amount of history and culture all in one place often left us saturated with information - whether learning about deities, temples, ruins, or climbing mountains (which we did in the snow).  It's casual.  My favorite spot had to be the Ancient Theatre at Epidaurus - the best acoustics in the world (and I'm not just saying that, it's the truth).  The coolest thing is that people have tried to recreate this theatre (in Colorado I think), and failed.  Something about it only being in Greece seems to give it a little extra magic.  And after singing there, I can totally see why.  The sound resonated through me - it was unlike any place I've ever sang.  Pretty incredible.

It's a very surreal feeling going into my last semester.  Teach for America is right around the corner, which is pretty unbelievable.  I teach summer school this summer (I passed my first certification test! - one more to go), and then I'm IN the classroom in August/September. Whoa. Hey, real life.  I grew a beard over my CentreTerm trip - I'm honestly thinking of keeping it just for the purpose of looking older than the average high school student once I'm there.  Really though, being white will probably distinguish me as a teacher, if we're being honest.  I'm getting really excited to start out on my own and make new friends in TFA - it seems like an incredibly supportive network already.

That's where I am right now.